Thursday, March 22, 2012

Full Heart

I skipped the blog thing last week. I didn't feel like writing about being frustrated or feeling defeated.  Instead, I decided to just "put it in a balloon...and let it go."  I told myself the same thing I would tell anyone else...that after 3 days in the hospital, there is no way one can expect to have everything down pat.  Each day is a great learning experience and what I don't know that day, I make damn sure I know the next.  I am making a promise to stop beating myself up for these things.  


Every once in a while, I wonder what people will remember about me when I die.  I wonder what impact, if any, I have had on anyone's life.  I know I am so far from perfect and don't do everything right, and for sure at times I can be the world's biggest witch (just ask my kids).  But if there's one thing that I pride myself on, it is how I truly like to make people feel good about themselves.  Whether it's someone I know or not.  If I notice a haircut, I'll mention it.  You got cute shoes on?  I'll tell you.  I'm not insincere.  If I'm thinking it, I'll say it.  I like to smile at strangers in the grocery store.  I like the response I get...sometimes people seem so surprised.  I smile.  I'm nice to everyone.  I like to make people feel comfortable and accepted.   It's probably why I had so many guys in college ask me out who I had absolutely zero interest in.....I was just nice to them, but I guess they thought it was more than that?  I am sort of a natural flirt.  Can't help's in my nature.  I flirt with everyone. 

When I was in high school, I had a couple of friends whose houses I would hang out fairly often.  I loved the relationship that developed between me and their moms.  Where they knew so much about me and would make me feel like an additional kid in their family.  Chandler has a couple of friends that I have grown close to.  Sometimes I'll get a text, asking for advice, or when they're feeling bummed about something.  Or when they need a ride somewhere.  They'll sit with me at games.  I have said before how much I love Chandler's friends.  I love being able to go out and support them watching them play their sports.   Last week, I got a text from one of them, thanking me for all I do.  It really touched my heart...he was so sincere.  It made me a little teary. 

This week, a lot made me smile.  Besides my 84 year old patient flirting with ME, I had a classmate tell me something that validated how I like to live my life.  For one of our skills test this week, we needed to pick a partner to pose as our patient.  I was two of my classmate's patients.  One of them stopped me after class early this week.  She wanted to thank me in advance for being her partner and told me she picked me, because I make her feel so comfortable.  She told me how I always smile and that she just gets this warm, friendly, comfortable feeling from me.  I was so taken aback by this.  It made my heart very full. And when you feel like that, you can't help but perpetuate the goodness from it!

Happy Friday Eve!

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