Thursday, February 23, 2012

Things That Made Me Smile This Week....

Things that made me smile this past week (in no particular order):

Perfect, beautiful, 85 degree days in February.

Chandler's severe post-surgery sore throat FINALLY going away.  

Driving to San Diego in two hours, free of traffic, with overcast and drizzly skies.  And my Starbucks.

Watching Rylee compete.

Watching Rylee sleep in the car.

Getting a text from Chandler telling me to come home sooner.

Getting my lab skill test over with after fretting over it for so long and getting an "A" on it.  

Chandler announcing that she wants to make dinner for us this week.  

Chandler shopping for her dinner menu.

Seeing that I have over 1000 page views on my blog. (wow--I think that's alot!)

Completing my 4th week of school.

And on that intense as it is, I love it.  My classmates are becoming like a second family.  I like the fact that my study group (all whom I adore) is not in my clinical group...I love being able to connect with more than just the 5 of us.  There are so many different personalities and stories between all of us.  We started off as a group of 30 and we are down to 29 after the 3rd week.  There was a lot of stress and anxiety going on in class this week...I heard someone say they thought they were going to throw up.  Some cried.  There was a lot of worried faces.  But, we all made it through.  

We had our first quiz and I got a B.  I hate that.  But, I suppose it's better than a C.  And our first real exam is Monday.  I feel a total sense of calm about it right now.  Another thing to smile about.  

Friday, February 17, 2012

Writing Our Stories

Two blog posts in 24 hours.  

This morning, I was reading an article about a mom and her making memories with her kids.  I often sit and think about what memories my kids will have...and what part I play in creating these memories.  A blog that I read regularly is by a mom who often refers to herself as writing her kids stories...their story that they will pass on.  It is both inspiring to me and at the same time, makes me question if I have done enough with my own kids.

When looking back at my own childhood, my most significant memories are of the house that I grew up in.  When I was 5, we moved into the house that I would live in until I went to college.  It was a pretty unique house on a cool piece of property.  Our house had 5 bedrooms and 5 baths.  Four of those bedrooms were on one side of the house and the other was off the kitchen and laundry was "the maid's room."  We had a live-in maid.  She only did a small amount of cooking, but was mainly there to do the cleaning and laundry.  It might sound like we were a bit spoiled, but really we were not, I can assure you.  (So what if I never learned how to change the vacuum bag or knew that the bottom of a toaster opens up and that's how you clean it out...I learned that in college...!)  

Anyway, growing up, I spent lots of time outside.  I have to describe our property...our driveway completely encircled our house.  We parked in the back.  We didn't have a garage.  In fact, the garage had been finished out and was our "playroom."  In the front and to the side of our house, we had an official flagpole.  There was a pomegranate tree/bush right beside it.  We had a huge yard where I would often tumble.  At the side of our house, we had a huge rose garden.  One that I wished I had more appreciation for.  My mom would cut roses from there and I can remember taking them to teachers at school sometimes.  Before we put our pool in, we had a huge backyard with 3 big trees.  One was a great big weeping willow.  And we had red roses along the whole back wall that encircled our yard.  

Next to where we parked our cars, there was a built-in basketball hoop.  Behind our driveway, there was a staircase that led down to a play area.  There was a slide and a swingset.  To the side of this, was more area that extended the whole length behind our house. All of this was up atop a cliff and we overlooked houses and the street below.  Our elementary school was down below us and we used to walk to school using the desert trail behind our house.  I used to be so scared of the snakes we would see sometimes. 

We lived in a cul-de-sac.  In the center of the cul-de-sac was a desert landscaped circle that was filled with rocks, cactus and plants.  It was bordered by large rocks...large enough to be able to walk along each one.  I used to "play house" inside this circle.  

Our neighbors who lived next door, across the street and down the street remained the same for as long as we lived there.  Times were a bit different then, but people didn't just buy a new house every few years.  Davy L, the boy across the street, used to hold the "Miss Twin Hills Beauty Pageant."  We used to go to Mimi Ivey's house and jump on her built-in trampoline.  I used to grab the umbrella and go walk in the rain.  I made mud pies along the white block wall behind our rose bushes.  My neighbor, Robert and his brother, made a high jump set and we used to practice in his back yard. 

Our kids have never spent a whole lot of time outside.  Sure, they've spent time swimming and jumping on the trampoline, but never really spent time exploring and playing in the neighborhood.  Times have changed, I one feels comfortable having your kids just disappear for a few hours outside to go play.  

I have written before about wondering what my kids will remember about their childhood and what memories they will have to pass on.  Have I spent enough time with them doing fun stuff?  I can remember helping my mom in the kitchen.  I can remember her teaching me to crotchet.  She came to my gymnastics meets and to watch me cheer at football games.  I can remember listening to Beatles music, going to the ballet, going to see musicals, eating nice dinners, going to the racetrack every weekend.  Being with family. 

I pray it's the more fun things we did that my girls remember (and not so much the times when I lost my patience or was too tired to do something).  I hope they have a good story behind them.  

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Cry Baby

This week...make that the last two weeks...all I have I wanted to do is cry.  One would think I was PMSing, but nope, I wasn't.  That feeling like you are about to can feel that tickle, you can feel it coming, but then you just don't sneeze.  That's how all of last week was for me...I could feel myself on the brink, about to burst into tears, but each time, I sucked it up.  Pulled myself together.  Didn't let myself breakdown. 

So what was getting to me?  Besides school and the pressure of perfecting all these skills and getting the hang of all of it?  When I think about it rationally, I know that I should not be freaking out, but I am.  I know in time, it will all come.  But, the doubts are still there.  About twice during class, I have thought, "WTF am I doing here?  I can't possibly do this."  I quickly dismiss this thought, though.  I know I can do this and I am going to love it.  I have an amazing support system at school and we are all helping each other get through this!

Craig's dad had surgery last week.  There's stress and worry about that and the waiting of the results of the biopsy.  One of my kids was accused along with another cheerleader of "bullying" other kids at school.  For real?  She's 60 pounds soaking wet and looks and sounds like she's 6!  Yep, she's really scary and threatening.  Still waiting to see what the recourse is for this...waiting to see if there will be an apology or what...because it never happened. 

Over the weekend, there was more studying and having Chandler's surgery hanging over my head.  Knowing that I would only be able to be with her for a very short time at the hospital because I cannot miss much of my clinical made me sick.  I'm her mom...I want to be there for her through it all...(I ended up being able to see her in recovery before I had to run to school.  :)  )

And finally it came to a head for me on Sunday.  In the morning, I got a touching facebook message that made me cry.  And then I watched "The Notebook" that made me cry more than a couple of times.  And then there were the Grammys.  Waterworks again. 
On Tuesday, it was more of the same.  A long, but fun day at school (it was Valentine's Day, after all), culminated with a not-so-romantic ending.  I finally had it.  Kinda cried like a little baby and thank goodness for some amazing friends that could relate and were there for me.  Which made me want to cry more. 

I thought I was over it.  But, then I talked to my dad last night.  I don't have to say much for him to know just what to say to me.  He's my biggest cheerleader right now.  I am so grateful.  It made me cry again.

One big cry baby.  A good cry feels good every once in awhile, but I think it's time for me to kick myself in the butt and start working out again and release some of this another way...ya think? 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Week 2

It was a good second week...long days but learning a lot.  It's nerve-racking to get some of these skills down.  Just takes lots of practice.  And even more practice.  In 4 short weeks we will have our first real patients in the hospital.  Yikes.  They say "fake it til you make it"...that's all great, but hell, what if I fake it so much that I miss something??

Our first exam covers 50 chapters.  50.  OMG.

I love the friendships that we are establishing.  We're all experiencing the same stress, the same anxiety and the same excitement.  We are all freaking out together and laughing together at the same time.  I love it.

Craig's dad had a tumor removed from his bladder this week.  He came through the surgery great and now we just wait for the pathology results.  The doctor seems to be optimistic.  

And Chandler's doctor recommends surgery to straighten her nose out.  It is scheduled for Wednesday.  Everything that goes along with her having this surgery is bothering me....

Last night, it occurred to me that it was the first Friday night, since school started that we were all home together.  In fact, it was the first weekday night in forever.  Monday through Thursday nights we all get home at different times...the girls have cheer and don't get home until after either 7:30 or 8:30 and Friday nights have been either football games or basketball games.  Or Craig has worked.  Last night, we had nothing!  Chandler's boyfriend (I'll call him "A") came over, I made dinner, we watched a movie.  It was a fun night and it made me a happy girl.

Off to read, study and practice.   Happy Weekend!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Just a Quick One

Just wrapped up a super crazy weekend of cheer.  10 hour days on Saturday and Sunday.  We have a love/hate relationship with this competition in that we love it, because there are some of the best teams that come out and compete--they are so fun to watch and it gives us the opportunity to really step up our game.  At the same time, it's totally chaotic with tons of people, two competition stages and just lots going on.  Not to mention that this always falls on Super Bowl Sunday...WTH?  I had major mixed emotions this weekend...excited for Rylee who competes on three teams now and sad for Chandler who didn't compete at all.  All in all, it was fun, but glad it's o.v.e.r.

Laundry didn't get done and neither did grocery shopping for the week.  It will be another week of winging it...

One of my favorite things of the of the girls on one of our teams came up to me late's how the conversation went:

Melanie:  Are you Rylee's mom?
Me:  Yes
Melanie: don't  look like it?
Me:  I don't?  Why not?
Melanie:  You look like you're 23. 
Me:   Aw, Melanie, you are my new favorite cheerleader!  :)

Thanks Melanie.  I no longer remember the menopause question that someone asked me about earlier this week. 

Have a great week!

Friday, February 3, 2012

The First Week

Well, week 1 is done!  It started off scary and overwhelming and total fish out of water feeling.  The reading requirement is crazy.  But, by the end of the week, I couldn't help but feel a little more at ease.  Everything we did this week in lab made the reading make sense. I'm not gonna get too comfortable, though....

Labs were super long days, but this week we learned how to give a bed bath (anyone want to help give me some practice?), change a bed with a patient in it, how to put a patient on a bed pan (yikes...) and how to flush a g-tube.  And some other stuff..  All fun, fun.  It's gonna be tons of work, but lots of fun, I know.  My classmates are great and we know we are all in the same boat and have each other's backs.  Although, I had one classmate actually ask me if I had started menopause, yet!!! Are you serious?  AND, she was older than me!!  So much for feeling and acting like I'm mean I don't look like it?  That sort of bursted my little bubble.  And by the way, the answer to that is a big fat NO.  No, I have not started menopause, yet.  :(

Wednesday night, I dropped the girls off at cheer and came home so that I could have a good solid 3 hours to do homework.  About 40 minutes into it, I get a call from the cheer gym...Chandler had been hit and they were nothing short of certain her nose was broken.  Ugh....a little bit of blood and some pain, but what made her cry the most was when she saw her face.  Poor kid.  Oh...and sister Rylee..she got pretty emotional for her sister, as well. 

I get to the gym and I can immediately see where she's been hit.  We get in the car and as we're driving I kind of joke and say..."Well, maybe we can go catch the basketball game"  (it's the last home game of the season and she was missing it because of her other cheer practice...and it was senior night and her boyfriend who plays is a senior...)...I was pretty shocked that she perked up and said yes,she wanted to on her nose, tear-streaked face and she wanted to go.  I was so proud of her.  So off to the game we went. 

Speaking of her boyfriend, I haven't mentioned him (it's only been a few weeks or so).  I'm not going to lie...we really like him.  He's got manners, he's nice, he's funny, he's smart, he's athletic.  He's cute, too.  They're pretty cute together.  And that's all I'll say on that one. 

Anyway, got Chandler's nose checked out and the ENT is more than certain her nose is broken and said don't bother with an xray.  Wants to see her in a week after the swelling subsides and is saying she will likely need surgery.  Total bummer.  He did say she could compete this weekend, since the damage was already done.  But, after tonight's practice, she made the decision to not compete...too worried about getting hit again.  It already hurts...can't imagine being  bumped again, even slightly.  I don't blame her one bit. IS  a contact sport. 

So, tomorrow we go to our biggest competition of the's huge and there are some amazing teams.  Rylee is now on a third team, so she will be a crazy girl this weekend.  I am sooo bummed for Chandler.  Makes me so sad. 

So, finally my chapter outlining is done for school and I can get myself to bed.  My plan is to read between teams  competing tomorrow (hmmm...I wonder if I can really make myself do that....).

Happy Weekend everyone!