Here We Go

The previous week's rollercoaster ride managed to manifest physically...I spent most of this week with a sore throat, headache and body aches.  And a few more sleepless nights to boot.  My 5K prep running program took a little reprieve this week because I was sick and that bums me out.   I am hoping I can make myself fit it back in this week and get back into it.

This week, I worked what will likely be my last week at work.  If I can, we agreed to keep my hours open and see how we could make it work and just play it by ear.  In the meantime, we may be poor.  :( 

I also had my orientation at school on Tuesday and all I can say is "holy shit..."  Yes, I said holy shit.  It's my blog.  (I figure the very few under 13 year olds that I am facebook friends with aren't reading this blog anyway).  

Anyway, the amount of reading and work to do couldn't be more overwhelming.  They say to say goodbye to your family for the next 2 years, and I kept thinking, "really?"....that sounds so extreme.  But, I have a sneaky suspicion it might be true.  My biggest concern is how often we travel for cheer competitions.  Someone said...Well, looks like you won't be going to cheer competitions anymore.  Excuse me?  As if that would ever happen?

As I look over the massive amounts of material to read and want to cry, I make myself remember two years ago when I walked out of my first Chemistry class, came home and cried.  I called my very smart veterinary opthamologist  sister and begged her to help me and tutor me.  Of course, not thinking that she took all the crap about 30 years ago...like she would remember?  Turns out, even though I did still cry for a few more weeks, I pulled it together.  

I can do this.  I can do this.  

This morning, I am meeting with my study group for the first time.  There is so much reading due for this week, that the 5 of us have each taken a section to outline and then share with the others.  I think we have a good group....geez...how much trust does that take to rely on others for doing the work?  But there is no humanly way possible to read every single thing required.  Sigh...

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Just met with my study group.  We can all agree it's overwhelming.  I almost feel like it's the blind leading the blind, but I am sure after a few weeks we'll get into a groove and figure out how we can best make efficient use of our time to get this done.  We're talking...like 30 chapters over the next 2 weeks.  Holy hell....

Tomorrow is our first official day.  Super excited and scared to death.  

Wish me luck!

Rollercoaster....

Emotions ran the gamut this week.  Highs and lows.  It was excitement and happiness and frustration and disappointment.  Anxiety and nervousness.  Relief.  There were many sleepless nights.  Sleep deprivation which led to crabbiness and impatience.  Tears and laughs.  

Sometimes you roll along and suddenly you hit a bump.  This week was a bumpy road.  Life and kids will throw that at you.  

My girls are the lights of my life.  They are polar opposites of each other:  One has dark hair, the other blonde.  One is quiet, reserved and cautious.  The other...loud, always talking, singing, moving and daring.  One is content to just be home and chill, the other always needs to be doing something.  I am equally proud of both of them.  They both bring me such joy and at the same time, occasional frustration.  Typical and normal, I know.  Sometimes I wish I could take a little out of one and put it into the other.  Their personalities are what they are and I know I will never be able to change that.  It's what makes them their special selves.  

Sometimes I know I am a little controlling and pushy, but only when I desperately try to get them to open their minds, let their guard down, try something new.  And if even in the end I find that I have beaten a dead horse and can't get through, at least I know it wasn't from not trying.  We only have one shot at this kid raising thing...and by golly, I will do anything I can to help pave the way for them.

This week I had a job interview at JFK for a unit secretary job in the ER.  After 40 application submittals, I was one of five that was called for this job.  Having zero experience for the job, I think the interview went pretty well.  I am pretty sure I won't be offered the job, which I am ok with, as I probably wouldn't be able to make it work anyway, with school starting.  So glad that I got the experience, though.

Yesterday, we had a cheer competition in Pasadena.  It was Chandler's first of the year and Rylee's second.  As Rylee's first team was warming up with just minutes away from taking the stage, one of her teammates was hit by her flyer and her nose was broken.  They announce that "due to an injury, Action will be competing at such and such time".  My phone immediately blew up with texts from parents asking me if I knew what was happening.  After a stressful 30 minutes backstage...the injured cheerleader and her team took that stage, pulled it together and rocked their routine.  It was beautiful...and far more worthy than their 4th place (out of 8 teams) finish.  We were so very proud of those kids.

This was Chandler's first time to compete in 3 years.  It was so great to see her up there.  I love to watch both my girls faces when they perform.  I love that they love what they are doing.  The teams overall didn't place well, but we did win a "good sportsmanship" award, which we could not be more proud of.  We have a great bunch of kids and coaches.  

I am so glad that this week is over.  Spaghetti sauce is simmering for lasagne and football on.  And ready for maybe a little more calm week ahead. 

Run, Forrest, Run!

Well, not exactly, but I'm sure gonna try.  

For the last couple of months, I have considered taking up running (ok, let's start with just jogging).  And let me say that I am NOT a runner.  I strongly dislike running.  That's the gentle way of saying that I hate running.  In fact, I immediately am taken back to 6th grade at Western Hills, where we had to run the mile for the physical fitness test.  That was seven effing laps around that "football field."  Thank goodness I had Vickie King with me...both of us holding our sides that were cramping and we ended up walking most of it.  Took us about 15 minutes to "run" the mile.  

I have never had much endurance for running or jogging or anything that is hard, physically.  I am a wimp.  I don't challenge myself in this manner.  If I go up the Bump & Grind trail by myself, I will turn around at some point, rather than go to the top.  I figure that hiking uphill for about 30 minutes is good enough, right?  So, I make sure I have someone to go with me, so that I don't wimp out.  And because I never do anything often enough, I am not able to condition myself to develop the endurance.  But...I am hoping to change all that.

About a week ago, a facebook friend posted that she plans to run a 5K next month.  She started this program "Couch Potato to 5K."  (Thanks Michele).  I thought...Hey, that is totally for me!  I am now inspired.  I am all about challenging myself these last couple of years.  If my back and knees can handle it, then I am going to give it my all.  This morning I completed Day 2.  Rylee and Lola accompanied me.  And I didn't wimp out. 

One of my resolutions this year is no more excuses.  I have a history of making excuses of why I can't work out.  I am fortunate that I have thin genes in my family.   I can go for long periods of time without working out and I won't gain any weight.  I'm in pretty decent shape, but, I want to be physically fit, not just thin. 

So, just like I refused to say "I hate Chemistry" I am no longer going to say, "I am not a runner"  or "I hate running."  If you say it, you believe it.  I believe I can conquer this.  At least I'm sure gonna try.  

And Forrest Gump.  I love that movie.  I think it's time to find that on Netflix.

 

Happy Birthday Mimi

Today, my grandmother, Mimi, would have turned 89.  

Not a day goes by that I don't think about her.  And not that I don't think as fondly of my other grandmother (or my grandfathers for that matter) who have passed on, because I do, but my Mimi...I have about a zillion memories of her.  Hard not to, when I grew up with her living not just in the same town, but within minutes from us. 

Mimi's house had a scent that I can still smell.  And I'm not talking one of "old people" or moth balls or what you would typically think about your grandparents house.  No...it was different.  Not really perfumey. I can't even describe it, but it just smelled like her.  I loved it.  After she moved out of her condo, I was able to get her guest bedroom bed.  When it got here...it smelled like her house.  Even the sheets and blankets still almost have that scent.  And even though we recovered the headboard and use it in Rylee's room, I can still faintly smell that scent of her house.

My memories of Mimi or being at her house include:

Eating mangos off a fork.

Chip-A-Hoy Chocolate Chip cookies

Swimming at her pool at Del Prado Apartments.

Spending the night at her house.

Swimming at her pool at Casitas.

Rye toast and eggs

Perfectly set dinner tables and beautiful dinners

Her chicken soup.

Her chicken salad (which even though she told me how she makes it, still doesn't taste like hers)

Her chopped liver.

Her perfectly organized kitchen and being so well prepared for big family dinners.

Her perfume tray in her bathroom with little mini bottles.  I thought they were so fancy.  

The fact that there was no off limits in her house.  Me, my sisters and cousins could play, be silly and be comfortable anywhere in her house. 

Her great taste in clothing.  She was always so well put together. 

Her letting me temporarily move in with her when I needed to escape my house....

Mimi understood me.  She knew that my dad and I didn't always have the greatest relationship and she got that.  

When I had Chandler, Mimi came out within days of her being born.  She was a great help.  She helped pick out furniture for her room with me.  I am so grateful that she had the opportunity to meet both of my babies.  She was in hog heaven, she was. 

Mimi taught me how to prune my vines growing on my fence.  Every time I plant or cut back anything, I think of her. 

I think of her much of the time.  I get choked up when thinking about being back in El Paso over Thanksgiving and wishing she had been there to see ALL of her children together.  But, I do know she was there.  In spirit...I know she saw us all and she was very happy.

Happy Birthday Mimi.  Love you...so much.  xoxo

Well Hello 2012....

Hello 2012.  Boy, did you get here fast...


I intended to write this post yesterday...to kind of wrap up the year and about what New Year's Eve means to me, but the day got away from me.  


The holidays are always a little emotional for me.  On Christmas Eve, as we were walking down Candy Cane Lane, I suddenly got choked up.  Sounds crazy, but I suddenly had memories of Christmastime in El Paso.  My dad owned a clothing store downtown.  I was remembering walking to the Plaza Park and admiring all the decorations and tree.  And walking through the Popular department store and thinking how beautiful it looked.  It was exciting to me and I would sometimes imagine that I was transported to New York City.  I wondered if this was what New York looked like at that time of year.  (Yes, I know, I said crazy...comparing El Paso, Texas to New York City??)


Anyway....


New Years is always a little sentimental for me, as well.  A lot sentimental.  I have such great memories of ringing in the new year with my family.  My mom and dad always threw great New Years parties.  I can remember my mom getting dressed up and always looking so beautiful.  Great food, Pilo the Bartender, lots of my parents friends.  It was always a great time.  I can remember, maybe my senior year, going to a party with my friends, and feeling so awkward that I was not at home celebrating with my family.  It didn't seem right.  So, now...each year, I think back about those times...and it makes me a little teary, but in a good way.  New Years Eve was followed by New Years Day...complete with hangovers, leftovers and good college football all day long.  (Back in the day when there were only about 5 bowl games and they were all played on New Year's Day...I miss that). Those were good, good times.  


I have mixed emotions about how I like to spend New Years now.  Sometimes, I think how I would love to get dressed up and go out...something we haven't done in years.  But, each time I consider it, I think how I don't want to be away from my kids on this night.  So, our ringing in the New Year has consisted of being with just one or or two other couples and their kids or just hanging here at home.  And it's been just right.


Last night we did venture out and went to a friend's house.  There were about 30 of us (kids included).  Unfortunately, Craig was home, pretty sick.  He was supposed to work, but didn't even do that.  We had a great time and now I am happy to say that I have a 17 year old designated driver, so all was good.  Came home and woke Craig up to give him a New Years kiss.


It's amazing to me at how fast this year has flown by.  This time last year, we had just been approved to short sell our home and were packing.  We moved in January.  It's been a good year for us.  Craig was given a promotion.  I was finally accepted in the nursing program.  The girls are happy and doing well in school.  We are all healthy.  And for the latter, we can't ask for more than that, right?


And about resolutions:


I make fewer resolutions as I get older.  Some of them are repeats from the year before....but here's a little bit of what I'd like to do/change:


Drink more water.
Stop making excuses of why I can't work out.
Have more patience with my offspring.
Be a little less connected to my phone and be more in the moment with what is happening around me.
Worry less.
Stop doubting the possibilities.  
Be less hard on myself.  


I've made some mistakes and learned a few lessons this year...the hard way.  I've learned that sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut and think twice before I do something that will ultimately be something very stupid.  I have learned to not react in the heat of the moment...to take a moment...sleep on it and cool off.  I am hoping I can resolve to keep all this in mind in the new year.


It doesn't matter how old we get, we will all manage to do something we can learn from. Make the mistake, but learn from it.  Move on.  Be a better person for it.  A good mantra.


So, cheers to 2012.  I know there are BIG positive, beautiful things in store for all of us this year.  I can't wait...bring it on!